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This was posted in “Rants and Raves”

Yes, you. You sick fucker.
On Wednesday morning I emerged from my girlfriend’s building by U.N. Plaza to find that you had sawed the tops off both the sparkplugs on my motorcycle.
At the time, I had no idea why anyone would do that.
Other than the sparkplugs, the bike was untouched.
Some kind of bizarre vandalism?
A fraternity prank gone awry?
I had no idea.
All I knew is that I looked like a huge douchebag riding the Muni to work in a padded motorcycle jacket and helmet.
Because the bike was immobilized I got a $35 street sweeping ticket that night.

Thursday I had it towed to the shop ($45) where they replaced the sparkplugs and the boots ($50 including labor).
They explained to me that “people” – I use the term loosely here – like you break off the tops of spark plugs and use the porcelain tubes to smoke crack.

As an engineer and former MacGyver fan, in a way I think this is kind of cool.
But then I remember that I just paid $100 for YOUR crackpipes, and I get angry again.

Crackhead, it was really good to have my bike back though.
I rode home from the shop with a couple of spare sparkplugs and a smile on my face.
I figured the next time I parked at my girlfriend’s place overnight I would have to buy some crackpipes and tape them to my bike as a peace offering.

Overall, I wasn’t that upset. Despite having to ride the bus for three days and dropping a hundred bones at the shop, I had gained some fascinating knowledge, a new set of sparkplugs, and a pretty funny anecdote about how fucked up you are, and how our paths once crossed briefly in the night.
But you couldn’t just let sleeping dogs lie, could you Crackhead.

You couldn’t just stay in on Friday, watch Letterman through the window of a home electronics store and then call it a night. You couldn’t rest on your laurels. Two porcelain sparkplug crackpipes just wasn’t enough for you, was it Crackhead?

You just had to come back for more.
This morning, a scant fifteen hours after I rode it out of the shop, I found my motorcycle violated once again.
This time you only took the right one – maybe you were having an off night.
At least this time I had a spare sparkplug and the tools to fix it – or so I thought – having ordered a 73-piece toolset from SEARS.com last week. But no, the sparkplug socket in my new toolset was for American sparkplugs. So I had to go down to the neighborhood Ace hardware. They had an 18mm socket that would fit over my sparkplug, but it was for a 1/2″ drive ratchet. My toolkit only has 1/4″ and 3/8″ ratchets. So I had to buy a 1/2″ ratchet along with the socket. Even though the clerk took pity on me and gave me the senior citizen discount (I’m 25) it still cost me $22 all told. Now, you might say that I should have just gotten a 3/8″-to-1/2″ drive adaptor instead of springing for the whole ratchet. And to that I say “Shut the hell up, Crackhead, I’m not finished. And besides, I was eventually going to buy a 1/2″ ratchet anyway so it’s probably not worth it to take it back now.”
OK, now I’m rambling. But the point is, Crackhead, that you have done me wrong. Now, I get that you love crack. That is totally understandable. I’ve heard it is really fun, at first, and quite addictive. What I don’t understand is,
YOU ARE A CRACKHEAD. WHY DON’T YOU OWN A CRACKPIPE?
I am an engineer. Do you ever see me shaking down bums in the Loin for a calculator and sliderule? No, you don’t. Because engineering is the main thing I do, I went and bought myself a calculator. The main thing you do is crack. How do you get by without a crackpipe? The other crackheads must clown on you non-stop. I mean, the fucking saw you used to saw off my sparkplugs is probably worth five or ten bucks. Why not sell or trade it for a crackpipe? You really haven’t put much thought into this, have you?
Please, Crackhead, please don’t tell me you sold your crackpipe to buy crack. Even a stupid crackhead such as yourself couldn’t possibly be that stupid.
I’ve decided that taping crackpipes to my motorcycle would be tantamount to appeasement. You have crossed a line, Crackhead – specifically California Street. You have come onto my own street and you have desecrated that which I hold dear. You have stolen from me, and you have caused me to spend the last half hour writing this post instead of engineering shit, and it is concievable, if not likely, that my boss could find out about this and fire me. I am hella pissed at you dude.
Here are my options as I see them:
1. Write a note saying that I have coated both of my sparkplugs in rat poison and tape it to my bike at night. You can thank Tim for that one, it was his idea.
2. Don’t write a note, but just coat both sparkplugs in rat poison. This is probably closer to a punishment that would fit your despicable crime. I’m sure this is super illegal and shit, but it’s not like anyone is going to miss you, Crackhead. Don’t fool yourself.
3. Wait in an alley near my bike armed with my new stainless steel mirror-finish Ace Professional brand 1/2″ drive socket wrench, my 18mm sparkplug socket, and my searing rage. It’s pretty heavy and well balanced. I am not a large man, but I am angry.
In conclusion, Crackhead, why don’t you just do both of us a favor and buy yourself a crackpipe? It will both enhance your crack smoking experience and save me a lot of time and felony assault charges. Think about it.
Sincerely, Matt

Posted in something that is called “Rants and Raves” by “Matt”. Whoever you are Matt, good post.

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I browsed some news sites as usual, I do so on a daily basis after I get up and read the following article on cnn (sucks):

DOHA, Qatar (CNN) — Despite resistance from Iraqi units and rising coalition casualties, U.S. military officials expressed satisfaction Monday with the pace of the war effort.
“Progress toward our objectives has been rapid and in some cases dramatic,” said Gen. Tommy Franks, head of U.S. Central Command. U.S. military officials showcased images of successful airstrikes on Iraqi military and leadership targets and said coalition ground forces have made significant gains in southern Iraq. U.S., British and Australian Special Operations forces operating in small, mobile teams are “about their business, from the left to the right and top to bottom” in Iraq, Franks said. Franks said there is “nothing at all unexpected” about the “sporadic resistance” encountered so far, adding that coalition forces will continue to “fight this on our terms.” The tenor of the U.S. Central Command briefing contrasted with a defiant speech by Iraqi President Saddam Hussein aired hours earlier Monday on Iraqi television. “After they underestimated you, you Iraqis, now they’ve come on land; this attempt is our chance to incur losses on them,” Saddam said. “They are in a dilemma; they are in trouble now. Hate them and strike them.” It was not immediately clear whether the speech was broadcast live or had been taped. Saddam talked about current battles and referred to “setbacks” for his “enemies.” (Full story) Fighting continued Monday in the southeastern Iraqi city of Nasiriya, about 100 miles southeast of Baghdad. The U.S. military said at least 10 Marines died in what a senior U.S. officer called “the sharpest engagement of the war thus far.” Up to 16 troops were reported missing after Sunday’s fighting. (Full story) About 60 miles south of the Iraqi capital, elements of the Republican Guard, the strongest and most loyal arm of the Iraqi military, fought off a fierce assault by U.S. Apache attack helicopters. The U.S. Army’s V Corps, 11th Attack Helicopter Regiment, targeted Iraq’s 2nd Armored Brigade of the elite Medina Division before dawn Monday, targeting positions between the cities of Karbala and Al Hillah. One U.S. pilot described the situation as a “hornet’s nest,” with the Iraqis peppering the helicopters with small arms and anti-aircraft fire from “all sides.” Most pilots said they sustained 15 to 20 rounds, including a rocket-propelled grenade in one instance. (Full story) Iraqi TV showed video of what appeared to be a downed Apache helicopter, intact and upright, reporting that it went down near Karbala. Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf said Iraqi villagers shot down two Apaches. U.S. Central Command confirmed that one Apache is missing in Iraq but had no details on the crew or the reported second missing helicopter. (Full story) Thirty-eight U.S. and British military personnel have been confirmed killed since the Iraqi conflict began. (Coalition casualties) Other developments? U.S. Marine Maj. Gen. Henry Pete Osman, in charge of military coordination and liaison for Iraq’s northern front, arrived in the area Monday, signaling the much-anticipated opening of a second front. More than 200 U.S. forces are now in northern Iraq. Until recently, some 20 to 30 Special Operations forces were in the region. The development came amid discussions between U.S. and Turkish officials on how to deal with northern Iraq. (Full story) ? The first group of wounded U.S. troops arrived Monday at Ramstein Air Base in Germany. Their arrival was broadcast live, showing 12 injured people being carried off a C-141 cargo plane by stretcher and placed onto waiting medical evacuation buses. (Full story) ? President Bush plans to have lunch Monday with the military’s top officers to discuss the war in Iraq and also brief key members of Congress on an emergency war budget request officials said will be for roughly $75 billion. Bush will visit the Pentagon on Tuesday and U.S. Central Command headquarters in Tampa, Florida, on Wednesday. (Full story) ? Three fresh explosions rocked Baghdad around 2:30 p.m. (6:30 a.m. EST) Monday. The blasts came more than 11 hours after witnesses reported a round of airstrikes in the Iraqi capital that hit an Iraqi air force building and other buildings southeast of the city. ? U.S. Patriot missile batteries Monday shot down three Iraqi ballistic missiles in Kuwaiti airspace, a U.S. military source said. The first injured U.S. troops arrive at Ramstein Air Base in Germany. ? Kuwait firefighters in south Rumaylah succeeded Monday in extinguishing their first Iraqi oil well set ablaze by Iraqi forces, according to Kuwait fire authorities. ? The Australian navy has been working with the United States to clear Umm Qasr in preparation for humanitarian aid shipments, the commander of Australian forces in the Middle East said Monday. U.S. Marines have captured the regional headquarters of the ruling Baath Party in the key port city, seizing documents, a weapons cache and other material. (Full story) ? The Iraqi information minister said Monday that at least 62 civilians had died, and many more have been wounded, in the coalition invasion. CNN has been unable to confirm these reports. (Full story) ? A steady rumbling of bombs fell on Iraqi front-line positions near Chamchamal in northern Iraq. Sources from Pesh Murga, the militia for the Patriotic Union of Kurdistan, said Iraqi soldiers armed with heavy machine guns moved injured comrades from a ridge. The Patriotic Union of Kurdistan is one of the two main ruling Kurdish parties in northern Iraq. ? An unmanned, remote-controlled U.S. Air Force Predator drone spotted and destroyed a radar-guided, anti-aircraft artillery piece in southern Iraq on Saturday, the Pentagon reported Sunday — the first time a Predator has fired in the war. ? Al-Jazeera, the Qatar-based, Arabic-language satellite network, broadcast pictures Sunday of U.S. soldiers recorded by Iraqi television. Iraqi TV said the soldiers were killed in action or captured near Nasiriya on the Euphrates River. The video showed five captured U.S. soldiers, who said their names, as well as the bodies of four soldiers, some of whom had gunshot wounds to their foreheads. CNN Correspondents Jason Bellini, Karl Penhaul, Nic Robertson, Walter Rodgers, Brent Sadler, Martin Savidge, Kevin Sites, Barbara Starr and Alessio Vinci contributed to this report. EDITOR’S NOTE: CNN’s policy is to not report information that puts operational security at risk.

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